Monday, November 17, 2014

Published 9:30 AM by with 4 comments

Don't Be Afraid of The Silent Times

Don't be afraid of the silent times | Yes, We Rise  Learning to be alone, beach, me time, silence

Being alone

Transparent moment: Sometimes, I feel really alone and afraid that I am not important to anyone. In these times, I allow myself to apply irrational thoughts and opinions as to why, no one is calling me asking me to do things. I don’t allow myself to say in this place long and more recently, I am finding great value in this time by myself.

Growing up as an only child in a military family, I often found myself alone and feeling on the outside, even among people that I considered friends. In retrospect, I think that being a regular "new person” helped me to feel comfortable being by myself. It certainly helped me to develop some thick skin and independent thinking skills. As an adult however, I think it has also contributed to me having some other not so nice habits. When I feel offended or violated, I can cut people off quickly. I am quick to share my opinion and speak my mind cutting people with my words,and I can withdraw to my corner and shut everyone out with great ease. They were all coping skills of a young and sensitive little girl.

Ironically, the coping skills I used as a child, have contributed to some of my most reckless behaviors as an adult. In my current season of self-development and growth, I'm learning that I have some work to do on how I interact with people (among other things). This period of working on me requires that I be alone. When my parents bought our first house, I felt such a relief, because I knew it meant that I could have permanent friends, join clubs and sports, etc. So, my friends became a vital part of my life, and were always around. Even now, my friends’ kids can be found at my parents’ house. I say all that to say, I would be spending much less time working on me, listening for direction and connecting with my own inner still voice, if my friendships were like they once were.

I miss my friends and I grieve some relationships that will never be the same -- but I am also excited
Don't be afraid of the silent times | Yes, We Rise  Learning to be alone, beach, me time, silence
about this season of silence in my life because I know its preparing me for my next level. The time that I would have spent, minding other folks business and being "the planner, coordinator, social butterfly" of my group, I now spend reading, writing, immersing myself in my personal interests, working-out and just being happy alone. I recognize that, where I am going, not everyone will be equipped to go. I also know that in being alone, I am learning to rely on me and getting to know me in ways I never thought imaginable. Finally, new people are being placed in my path. I still got my folk, but they have lives and things going on too, something else I learned. Before I would have believed that every time my phone didn’t ring, someone was intentionally not calling me. 

Life isn’t all about me, it’s about living. I get that now.

If you are going through a solo season, don’t think of it as punishment and isolation. Embrace it, and use the time wisely. whatever it is that makes you feel good about yourself. If you don’t know what that is, then use your solo time to find out what that might be. It's a season, not a life sentence, make the most of it. It will not last forever and we all go through it.

Peace, Joy & Love,
Michelle H.


  1. Yes !!! All of this. In early summer I stepped back from my personal relationship with a few of my work "friends" because I finally recognized that being friends with them was mentally exhausting, and took up way too much of my time and energy. Although they seem a little upset, freeing myself from the constant drama, has allowed me to take time for myself, and figure a few things out. Go me !!

  2. What did Diddy call it ? BITCHAZZNESS !! But yeah, you hit it on the head with this role reversal we've been experiencing of late.

  3. I'm childless, but I can remember having hours worth of homework to complete, and oftentimes, my Mom, who was also a Teacher, didn't understand the assignments herself.