Thursday, August 7, 2014

Published 9:30 AM by with 6 comments

You Are Always A Daddy's Girl

Yes, We Rise| You are always a daddy's girlI recently saw this video in my timeline of a father and daughter dancing that was super cute. Whenever I see Black men spend quality time with their daughters, my heart melts. That’s why videos of Black men combing hair or dancing with their daughters choke me up.

There’s nothing like having fun moments with your father. For a woman, your father should be the first male that you fall in love with and show you love in its purest, most unconditional form.

Growing up. I did not know my father. I only met him once. I was nineteen. I happened to be in the same town where he lived while attending a college convention.

I asked my Mom for his information. We spoke over the phone. I gave him the name of the hotel and room number of where I was staying. We arranged our time to meet. I was anxious and decided to wait in the lobby hoping to see a man that kind of looked like me. I waited. I remember seeing two men pass by, but shrugged off the feeling. I was sure he knew how I looked. I figured he would spot me right away. I saw the two men get on the elevator. They came back down to the lobby about 5 minutes later and walked over to me. My roommate was in the room and told them where I was. What a way to start an already awkward meeting. He and his brother (my uncle) took me around to meet other relatives in town. I could feel the stares. I tried to be welcoming and smile. But I was nervous. I was scared. And I was hurt. At the end of the evening, they dropped me back off to the hotel. We gave our goodbyes. That evening was our first and last face to face meeting.

A few years later, I reached out to him by phone. We had a few conversations by phone. Our last conversation was about five years ago. He said he was sorry for all that happened. He said he was young. That was it. That was all he had. And I accepted that was enough.

Now as a parent, I am not bitter towards him. I know, given some of his life choices, things actually worked out for my good. But as a child, I didn’t have that understanding.

I know I am not the only adult female living with the scars of not being validated by a father. As a fellow child of the 70s and 80s, we grew up watching the iconic black family of television. To many, Bill Cosby was the closest thing to the perfect father that a lot of us knew.

That’s why I always, always, always want to give props to fathers who do what they are supposed to do by taking care of their children. I salute fathers who protect their children from harm. A father who provides for his children and loves them unconditionally deserves kudos and not slams. But most of all, fathers who love to make their little girls smile and show them that they are loved no matter what always make me happy. Like the father in the video.

If you grew up with a father like this, you are blessed. For me, I received this love from my Heavenly Father. One of my favorite verses that validates God’s love towards me as a father is found in Psalm 27:10

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.

As daughters, we are never too old to hear from our fathers that we are loved and we are special. To the brothers out there who are holding it down, thank you. And for my sisters who feel like you missed out on being a Daddy’s Girl, know that your Daddy is right there waiting to dance with you.


  1. Excellent piece. My oldest son (20) evaluates every decision he makes now by calculating opportunity cost (something i taught him years ago). I don't always agree with the values he places on things and actions but I do have a great deal of respect of how he approaches life.

  2. Good lesson learned young. Most of us don't figure that out until later in life.

  3. La'Mar ChambersAugust 7, 2014 at 5:35 PM

    I think it's great to offer your children the opportunity to see new things and experience life period. .. a cultured child is a well rounded child. .

  4. Gena Pender GossettAugust 7, 2014 at 6:27 PM

    Opportunity Costs... A good lesson to share with my daughters.

  5. Great post Headley! Great minds think alike bro because when you say "just say that the program cost the same as a pair of LeBron’s", I've used a similar comparison to get folks to THINK before they act - considering that you may get a much better "return on your investment" if you were to put your hard-earned money toward something more meaningful than a pair of Lebron's! An investment in something educational vs something material could return life-long dividends!

  6. I actually mentioned something similar in church. Take the kids to places they've never been and never seen, even those places located in their city. Exposure doesn't have to cost money.